Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall...(or put me in, coach): Owlz/Black Sox Preview

What we have with the Owlz and Black Sox are two teams who expect to go undefeated, and win the championship. Any team that goes into a season without winning a championship as the ultimate goal, should go play slow pitch softball. Last season there was a near brawl during the Black Sox-Owlz playoff game, followed by fisticuffs in the parking lot.

The shenanigans overshadowed some great baseball.





Consider most sports movies in which there is an obvious protagonist and villain, the team you root for, and the team that stands in their way.

I've seen a lot of these films, and in the realm of cinematic sports theater, I have found basically two types of villains: The Bullies, and The Elitists.

The Yankees in Major League-bullies (the owners who want to go to FLA-eliteists. The Yankees in Bad News Bears-elitists.
The bad guys in Mighty Ducks-a little of both, Mighty Ducks II bullies, Mighty Ducks III, elitists. You get the picture, I'm sure...


Eigh Men Out: This was the bullies vs. the elitists, basically. These two factions hate each other more than Pete Rose hates his life.





The Elitists, who for the sake of a hypothetical sports film involving mostly college-aged baseball players, are too good to come to the protagonists party, since you only have Pabst light and liquor in plastic bottles, the elitists will instead call the cops and have your star pitcher arrested for underage drinking, and then offer to bail him out if he plays on their team. The Bullies will crash your party, already under the influence, start a fight, try to steal your booze, and try to make out with the star pitcher's girlfriend.

The Bullies just think they're bigger and stronger than you, and can push you around. The Elitists think its a joke that you're even attempting to beat them--that they're just too good for you. Sometimes, an all star team has to play a group of loud mouthed New Yorkers, who want to pick a fight. In cases like this, its good to have a bully on your side.


(The Charleston Chiefs were not smug. )



The elitists would rather start their own team.

For the sake of this story, the heroes, tragically flawed as they may be, are your South Oakland Ducks. Talented, but undersized. The underdog, an almost-dirty team that has to out- hustle opponents as much as out play them in order to win.

The villains, standing in the way of the Ducks shot at the title reside in our own division:
The Brookline "Bullies" and the "Elitist" Owlz.

Sometimes a name says it all: "Black Sox" just sounds imposing and dark, named after a tragic team that threw the world series, with a roster full of guys who look like they wrestle bears in the off-season. The defending champion Owlz, a team with a sleek sounding, phonetically intimidating, misspelled nick-name run by a guy with the name, "Cool". You couldn't make up two better bad guy sports-team monikers.

News Flash:
Controversial footage of an off-season confrontation between Coach Jones, and B-SOX Owner/GM/Player/Coach, Kenny Powers at the local ice rink has surfaced.



Jones has recovered from his leg injury.


The Owlz and the Black Sox absolutely despise each other.
I think Kenny is pissed his team is no longer the only team in the league not to end in "s"

These teams have more in common than they'd like to admit:
They have set the bar in the Monongahela Division, until the Ducks knock off these teams we're playing 3rd fiddle in our division. The Owlz are the top team in the league and the Black Sox, who dominated South Oakland in the playoffs last year (ie. the Indians losing in the ALCS after Major League) should be considered the second best team going into the season.

Opportunities like this; the chance to overcome two teams of this caliber to win the division is why I play baseball.
***

Kenny Powers is the leader of the Rob Cool Hate-Wagon.

During the off-season, Cool courted the best players from every team, and landed ex-Black Sox pitcher, Alex Warren.

Kenny has constructed this year's team with the goal of beating the Owlz.

Rob cut a lot of players from a championship team in order to stay ahead of the curve, he constructed a team with the goal (i think) of getting into a more cut-throat league.

These generalizations don't apply to everyone on these teams. If you read this blog and don't get that by now, you take yourself too seriously.



***

Let's go back to the MDCS
Alex Warren was promised a bonuse if he won 7 games, he only won six, and kenny rested him in his last 4 starts, in order to save him for the playoffs.



Warren lost in the semi's before going to play for the Owlz.

Interesting.

***
FOR KENNY'S BLACK SOX PREVIEW CLICK HERE

Brookline Black Sox:
Last season 2nd in Monongahela Division,
defeated Ducks 29-3 in wild card round
lost to Owlz 2-1 in MDCS

The Black Sox will have nine guys who can hit, and great pitching.

Here's how I imagine one side of a conversation between Kenny and a prospective Black Sox player:

Kenny: OK, all-state in high school, all conference at IUP, that's a good resume, impressive.
you're 6'6" 280 and it says here the charges were dropped, so you don't have to wear an ankle bracelet anymore. good, good.

you have several friends who will get wasted, watch our games and hurl insults at opposing players, yeah, the guy's name is pronounced "Fay-Go" but its spelled F-A-G-O, they can work with that, right?

Your girlfriend is hot, that's good, but will she will fight Rob Cool's mom?

What?, she'll fight Rob Cool, terrific.

What number do you want?

end scene.

The Black Sox are the Ducks' oldest rival.
There's nothing better than beating this team.
Unfortunately it hasn't happened very often.
The Ducks beat the B-Sox 8-2 during the regular season, but lost in terrible fashion in the playoffs.

I score kept the Black Sox games for a season in '05.
I don't have the animosity towards this team that the rest of the league may have.
They have the best third base coach in the history of the NABA:

***

Only one player did not get an at-bat in last season's all-star game.
Thanks, Kenny.

If we don't want the Black Sox talking shit and taunting us as they cross the plate,
we have beat them.
This season the Ducks will be ready for the Black Sox.
We concede nothing.

***
Owlz Preview:
Last Season: NABA Championz.


The Owl is literally a symbol of elitism. (among other things)
check out this Owl Link

The Owlz, like the Black Sox will pose a tough challenge for the rest of the Pittsburgh NABA.
Some of the players on the Owlz, and their fans strike me as "terrified of losing", as if the ramifications of playing on or supporting a team that does not win a championship would somehow reflect negatively on them
I could be wrong. I'm no shrink.



OK, Here is my Owlz Preview:

The Owlz are the defending championz, and manager Rob Cool haz worked tirelezzly to improve hiz team over the off-zeazon. Thiz year’z Owlz lineup will be able to hit top to bottom, and they probably have at leazt three pitcherz who hit the high 80’z conziztently, with off-zpeed pitchez that would buckle the kneez of Ted Williamz.


Thiz team iz wonderful. If Jezuz Chrizt himzelf were to put together a team to compete thiz zeazon, he would uze the Owlz az a model. We zhould all be honored to play on the zame field az theze guyz, zeriouzly. Lizten to their fanz, they know how good the Owlz are—zo good they will probably be invited to compete in the Independent League—thiz rozter iz loaded with talent above and beyond my capacity for comprehenzion, they are clearly in a league of their own. I get the feeling winning a zecond title iz more important to Owlz management than juzt about anything elze in the world, az it zhould be. I juzt hope they don’t beat uz too bad thiz zeazon.

I don’t think I’m good enough to even be the 4th outfielder on thiz team.

Man, what an organization.


***


I thought at this level of play I wouldn’t have to deal with parents and fans taunting me and my teammates. To hear adults berate the Ducks, saying thingz along the lines of, “They don’t belong on the same field as you…” and condescending shit like that, it makes you wonder about the state of humanity in Pittsburgh. These comments came during a 5-5 tie that does not have a summary on the Owlz team site.


At least the Black Sox fans are drunk when they taunt the opposition during early afternoon games, so I guess they have an excuse.


Hope that was worth the wait, Mr. Powers.



Quack.






Saturday, April 4, 2009

summer season starts soon

If you're not excited about the season starting in a few weeks,
go kick yourself in the balls.


A couple youtubez.






If only there was a prominent player in the league named "Kenny" these East Bound and Down clips would be gold.


Owlz,/Black Sox Preview will be up Tuesday or Wednesday.
2009 Ducks Preview will be posted the week before opening day (tbd).

Links to all previous NABA Team Previews:

Oilers/Warriors

Bulldogs/Gray Bats


Eagles/Matadors

The Confederacy

Hurricanes/Phantoms

Bonus for Larry
a list of athletes who smoke cigarettes

***
Pittsburgh Blues starting pitcher Ben Sorosky is pitching for Pitt Greensburg against some poor unsuspecting college, at Pitt-Main's field today at 1pm.
Should be some good baseball.

The blues are rounding out their roster for the Memorial Day Tournament in Atlantic City.
Ben Sorosky is now the Pittsburgh NABA Tournament Director, I'll be assisting him until he finishes with school ball.
***


Ducks, Make arrangements to get your money in to Coach Jones.





We owe the league the rest of our $2,000 by tomorrow, and we need to get our uniforms ordered asap.




Quack












Thursday, April 2, 2009

Thursday

I'm posting this to get the auto-play Tenacious D youtube off the front page. So my five loyal readers won't have that thunderbolt sound as they anxiously check for new posts.
I won't do that again.
Now Cream is at the top.






Randy is getting ready for another season

"Go the distance"

Free Masonz worshiping an Owl statue.


check out the above link, its hilarious.
***

***

Quack.




Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Pittsburgh NABA Team Previews. Western Conference Finalists: Hebrew Oilers, & Warriors

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League News.
For those who don't know yet,
Drastic rule changes have been implemented for the 2009 season.
Everyone will make the playoffs.
There is no limit on innings pitched per week during the regular season.

Here is my solid proposal for an everyone makes the playoffs format,

The best part of everyone making the playoffs, is that it should lead to more playing time for bench players.
The downside is some crap team with one good pitcher can get lucky in a one-game playoff before losing to in a 3 game series.

The no innings limit benefits teams who don't have depth at pitching.

The Gray Bats could not be happier.

(look at that ecstatic twinkle in the one functioning eye)


Where were these rules two years ago when South Oakland had one good pitcher and played everyone on the roster and lost a shit-load of games?

Whatever, in a way I like the move towards a more recreational atmosphere, especially as the players get better, and the quality of play rises, as it most certainly has and will continue to do, it's really not a big deal.
The Ducks voted against this addendum.
The baseball will be more intense because the product will be better.

The cream will still rise to the top.

There will be less bullshit as a result, no proposals to throw games in order to keep teams out of the playoffs.


(No room for Shoeless Joe in the hall? no room for this joke of a human being. If every team in the NL West made the playoffs, it would have made betting on his own team a lot harder, if not pointless. Every game he didn't bet on his team was logically a bet against them. Worse than steroids. )





On to the previews.

The Hebrew Oilers:
Last season: 2nd place Allegheny Conference, lost in ACCS to Warriors 2-0.

The Warriors swept the Oilers in convincing fashion in the Allegheny Conference Finals last season.
Then Roy Hobbs went to the NY Knights, and Wayne Gretzky signed with the LA Kings.

2008 PItcher of the year, Jason Ashcroft is no longer an Oiler, but apparently they picked up some guy from the Rakers, who will take his spot at the top of the rotation.



Last year the Ducks beat the Oilers 15-0 when they threw their number two starter, but when Ashcroft pitched in an early season matchup, South Oakland lost 3-2 on a bloop single in the bottom of the seventh.
Jason is a difference maker.


He won the innagural game of the Pittsburgh Blues, pitching a complete game 4-3 victory over the Lancaster Illusion in D.C. last summer.
He threw a no-hitter against teh Bulldogs in the Campbells Conference Wild Card Game
He's moving east to become a dentist or something.
Godspeed, Jason.

(Props to the Oilers for the The Natural refernce in their name)

There's no way their new ace is as good as Ashcroft.
This could be bad news for the Oil.

(and the Campbell's Conference reference in their logo)

They are pretty solid up the middle, their shortstop hits homeruns at a Kenny-Raylian rate, I think he led the league last year.
Their catcher can hit, and they have a couple Asian players, one is significantly better than the other, but I forget which one.
Im sure they got better in the draft.

This team has traditionally been really bad, but they made a drastic improvement last season.
The Allegeheny is basicaly the Warriors and everyone else, so they will battle the Bulldogs for second.



The Ducks will probably play the Oilers once this seaosn, so that's one loss for them right off the bat.

***

The Wheeler Warriors
Last Season: Allegheny Division Champions
lost Championship 2-1 to Owlz

creepy

This movie titled "The Warriors" is sweet.

I haven't read the book. it is appaently a video game now too.
The movie is alluded to by The Wu-Tang Clan in this song.
listen for it, ODB is on it.
36 Chambers is one of the greatest hip-hop albums of all time.

This should be the Warriors' logo









I give the Warriors all the credit in the world, for breaking down societal barriers and becoming the first team with an openly gay couple as co-managers.

(Steve and Jason, comiserate after a tough loss to the Owlz in the Championship.)

Craig Boley is having shoulder surgery, may miss some time, he was kind enough to give us a few words about the upcoming Warriors' season.
He's anxious to get back on the field.



These guys have had the same core group of fundamentally sound, solid players for five years.
They keep adding pitching, that's why they win 80% of their games.
Basically how it works is they get one or two dominant pitchers, who barely break the minimum innings pitched necessary to be added to the playoff roster, then you face them in the playoffs, and your more surprised, confused, and hurt than that time when you woke up next to a dude after a night of blackout drinking.
Unless you're the Owlz then you're ready for it.


Last year the Warriors to the Owlz in the finals on the last at bat.
They beat the Ducks 7-4 or something.


Their head coach makes a lot of enemies, some people think he's a dick, they could just be homophobic.

Rumors floating around the fall-ball circut, (and we know how reliable they are) had overbaugh and doyle going to the Oilers, this would shift some of the balance of power.
Due to this the Oilers were going to be my sleeper team to lose in the finals, but Ashcroft is gone, so if I had to pick one team in this conference to unseat the Warriors, I like the Bulldogs. If anyone can do it these guys can.




***



Keep reading, both of you, for the next round of NABA Team Previews featuring the defending champion OwlZ, and the Black Sox.


Followed by the 2009 South Oakland Ducks preview.

***

Quack.